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May 24, 2013

The multimedia version of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD is very simply the slickest work of literary art ever made. Here's Chapter Twenty-nine (Burlingame).

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch29m.mp3

Here's Ginny Good (ISBN: 0972635750) and the voice only version of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD in its entirety. You can read and/or listen to the whole thing on any device for free.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggcha.html

The link includes the index to the multimedia version of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD, which is free, too—everything I do is free. If you want to hear the whole fifteen hour extravaganza on .mp3 CDs, give me a mailing address and I'll send you a copy.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

William Morris Endeavor Entertainment
One William Morris Place
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
(310) 859-4000

1325 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10019-6047
(212) 586-5100

West Coast Offices

http://www.wmeentertainment.com

Dear Gerard, Thank you so much for offering us the chance to look at your work with a view towards representation. Unfortunately, your work does not seem to be quite right for us. As you probably know, publishing is an industry based largely on instinct and emotional response. Since your work deserves the energetic and passionate representation that we can't offer you, we will step aside for an agent who can and undoubtedly will. Regards, Katie Glick, Assistant to Jennifer Rudolph Walsh

Dear Katie: Nice boilerplate, man. And from Jennifer's second assistant, too. Wow. Am I honored or what? Since you obviously haven't a clue what my work's about I'm sure it didn't seem "quite right" for you. Here's some quotes from some reviews of my first book—which was the editor's only choice as the best nonfiction book of 2004 in January Magazine—to give you a better idea of what my other books are like. Thanks. G.

"Comparisons with Salinger and Twain are not overstated..."

"...turned my soul inside out. Ginny was one of the most lambent pieces of writing I've ever read. It ripped me apart on the inside so much that I couldn't function for days...the best of tragedies, top notch Greek quality..."

"I was not reminded of any other book when I put this book down, and so I can only come to one conclusion: this is a great and new kind of literature!"

"Though not a short book, it can be read in one gulp-it's so seamless and effortless and is obviously the work of a tremendous craftsman."

"...it's great to read a book that actually means something. To the author, and to me. It's heartfelt, real, and incredibly funny."

"I've got three kids, and it's been a long time since I had the time, energy, or room within me to let a book suck me in the way this one did. When I got my copy of Lolita, years ago, the cover quote was, 'The only convincing love story of our century.' That was the 20th century, however, and as far as that quote goes, the torch ought to be passed to Ginny Good."

"...makes Angela's Ashes look like a Harlequin romance."

"I've chosen to take the dark sadness that I found in some parts of Ginny Good and attribute them to the author's skill rather than things he had to endure..."

"....Jones cares deeply about everything that befalls him and Ginny and the others we meet in Ginny Good. And he wants us to know he cares, but he wants us to find our own way to that conclusion. It's this intelligent respect for the intelligence of his reader that makes Ginny Good sing."

"You are, well, you are the real thing. Your book is the real thing. Absolutely beautiful writing. Damned near perfect. Maybe even flawless. Yow. Thank you."

"...for a while I thought the fire of literary creation had gone all the way out. In this book I think I see a coal still glowing in there somewhere."

International Creative Management
825 Eighth Avenue
New York, NY 10019
(212) 556-5600

8942 Wilshire Blvd.
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

ICM LA Agents

http://www.icmtalent.com

Wylie Agency
250 West 57th Street, Ste. 2114
New York, NY 10107

http://www.wylieagency.com

Curtis Brown, Ltd.
Ten Astor Place
New York, NY 10003
(212) 473-5400

1750 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

http://www.curtisbrown.com

Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.
65 Bleecker Street
New York, NY 10012

http://www.sll.com

Janklow & Nesbit
445 Park Avenue
New York, New York 10022
(212) 421-1700

http://www.janklowandnesbit.com

Dear Lynn Nesbit: I got recommended to you by Gordon Lish in 1963. You liked what I sent you & said you wanted to see new stuff when I had some. It's been awhile, but I have some. I'm just about done with the above-referenced FICTION NOVEL WITH A FAT PLOT AND LOTS OF DRAMA, which is truly stunningly good and sort of extra timely. If you want to see the first however many pages you may wish to see, let me know. Thanks. Gerard Jones

Dear Gerard Jones, Thank you very much for thinking of me in connection with your novel. Unfortunately, at this time I am very busy with work for my current clients and therefore must severely limit the number of new projects I can agree to undertake. I would be unable to devote the time and attention your project deserves. I am sorry I could not be more helpful, and I wish you well in your search for representation. Sincerely, Lynn Nesbit

Oh, shucks. You're a sweetheart, anyway...and here's a little story you might like about me and Gordon Lish in 1963. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn08.html

Dear Gerard, Eric passed along your note this morning and I wanted to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. Your manuscript was mistakenly placed in a stack of unsolicited material, which, as you might imagine, is quite high. You have wonderful character in Giselle and her hardened sarcastic slant on the world is well pitched here. I admit to having no idea where you're going with these mysterious phone calls and I worry that the story is relying too heavily on this one quirky note but I'm intrigued with who or what might be behind "I'm the Mayonnaise Man!" If you feel I've had this long enough I understand. I promise not to take 4 months or even 4 weeks with the rest of the manuscript. Again my deepest apologies, Best, Richard

Dear Richard: Does that mean you want to see the rest of the manuscript? Which I, of course, would be delighted to send you. It's been transformed some in the last few months--the new title is ASTRAL WEEKEND, for one thing. If I had my pick of what agency to get myself represented by, it would be Janklow & Nesbit. I'll tell you a sad story. When I was a kid, Gordon Lish recommended a literary agent to me, some chick named Lynn Nesbit who was just getting started with Sterling Lord. I sent her some stuff. She liked it. I got otherwise entangled and didn't write much for the next thirty years. Take your total time with anything you already have or whatever else you may want me to send you, but let me know what you want me to do. Thanks. G.

Gerard, Please send the manuscript along. Love to see how the story plays out. Best, Richard

Dear Richard: Will do, but I'm reworking the whole thing one more time with the new title and with some things I figured out when I got to the end which I have to go back and fix in the beginning. You can get the general idea, however, from what I'll send you, except that it'll be better by the time you're through with it. This is one you can totally take your time with, in other words. Thanks. G.

Dear Richard: As I mentioned in an e-mail, I'm reworking the above-referenced novel one more time so some of the chapters are going to have the old chapter headings because there was no point in printing the whole thing out fresh at this stage. I'm also sending the same thing to Fred Ramey and Charles Spicer, both of whom asked to see it, and maybe to Anton Mueller at Houghton Mifflin, if he still wants to take a look at it after I sent him a synopsis. I'll include a copy of the letter to Charles Spicer, 'cause I mentioned to him that I was sending the thing to you. It's probably too whacked for everyone, but, as you can see from the last pages I've included, I'm toying with some alternate ideas. I'm looking forward to hearing your take on the thing. Thanks again. Gerard Jones

Dear Gerry, I'm afraid my fears with your manuscript were realized after reviewing the story in full. Giselle is a fresh dose of attitude and I was rooting for her to break this Alice in Wonderland spell and enter the real world. Unfortunately she loses and, I think, quickly becomes overwhelmed by an unwieldy and quite implausible plot. I'm sorry not to have better news and I certainly wish you the best of luck with this. All the best, Richard Morris

Hey, Richard, thanks for taking a look at the first hundred and twenty pages or so of ASTRAL WEEKEND. I have a secret way of telling what was read and what wasn't read. Sorry you were looking for something different, or, in this case, something more the same. It was cool of you to read it at all, however. I have a lot of confidence that it's a good enough book with a strong and realistic enough premise to overcome the apparently unwieldy and implausible "plot." It was Kafka, I think, who said the world order is based on a lie. I'd rather waste my time trying to expose that underlying lie than waste my time trying to buy into it, whether that makes what I write "unmarketable" or not. Again, I appreciate it that you took the time to read as much as you did. Thanks. G.

InkWell Management
521 Fifth Avenue, Ste. 2600
New York, NY 10175
(212) 922-3500

http://www.inkwellmanagement.com

Harold Ober Associates, Inc.
425 Madison Ave.
New York, NY 10017

http://www.haroldober.com

Dear Gerard, Thank you for your recent letter. I'm sorry to say that I feel my workload at present is just too heavy for me to take on any new authors. I don't think it would be fair to my present clients or to you to take on more than I can reasonably handle. I wish you every success with your work. Sincerely, Phyllis Westberg

Oh, phooey. Thanks anyway. But, hey, so how about recommending it to someone else around there? What an excellent idea! Thanks. G.

Gerard, You are a guilty pleasure - like Marshmallow Fluff and such Seventies rock groups as Styx, Abba and Rush. Keep up the good work, however misguided. My information is correct, btw. Cheers, Jake

...but I did not shoot the deputy. Misguided? Pfssh. I know exactly what I'm doing and exactly why I'm doing it...and it's working. Go read Ginny Good and see. Thanks. G.

Just when I think I've heard it all I get another email from Gerard Jones. Keep on truckin' Gerard – we're rooting for you!

Hey, the last time I sent out an innocent e-mail or two some rat agent bitched to my ISP and I couldn't send any more e-mails for a month. I figured I'd catch you guys while you busy having Happy Holidays. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

The Gersh Agency
41 Madison Ave., 33rd Floor
New York, NY 10010-2210
(212) 634-8126

Gersh LA

Melanie Jackson Agency
41 W. 72nd St., Ste. 3-F
New York, NY 10023
(212) 873-3373

Darhansoff & Verrill Literary Agents
236 West 26th Street, Ste. 802
New York, NY 10001

http://www.dvagency.com

Trident Media Group
41 Madison Avenue, 36th Flr.
New York, NY 10010

http://www.tridentmediagroup.com

Hey Gerard, You are a riot! And congratulations on GINNY GOOD. Best of luck with Hollywood...All the best, Mel

Hey, Mel, thanks. I am. I crack myself up. I don't think it's luck one needs with Hollywood, but it's definitely not skill, either. I have no idea what it is, but I'm gonna keep trying different things just to see how many don't work. Thanks. G.

You seem like you totally get it. It's not luck; it's not skill. It's that other thing...

I do totally get it but only those who have ears hear...it's amazing how many earless people there are wandering around. Here's a free story for you for being such a sweetie. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

The Bent Agency
204 Park Place, Ste. 2
Brooklyn, NY 11238

http://www.thebentagency.com

I'd like to add that I'm doing lots of women's fiction, romance, YA and chick lit since coming to Trident in September. Thanks so much!

Cool. Consider it added. Hey, check this out for dark, scary chick lit:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn.html

You'd be amazed how many dark, scary chicks there are. And congratulations on the new agency; you've got a great reputation among writers, you know. Thanks. G.

As one of your ignorant ignoramuses, I have to thank you for the always entertaining e-mails. Keep up the good work—you're obviously having fun with it, which is the only way to stay sane in this industry. J

You're among the fortunate few people in the known universe and beyond who get what I'm doing, at all. Those who have ears, hear...those who don't, look sort of funny. Remember all the people in Field of Dreams who couldn't see Shoeless Joe Jackson and the rest of the players? Whose fault was that? Neither yours nor mine. Here's a little more chick lit for you. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch07m.mp3

Dear Gerard, Hope you are well. I'm still doing women?s fiction, humor, literary fiction, not so much chick lit these days. I love a good memoir as well. In terms of sensibility, as I edge ever so closer to 40, I find I'm not as interested in hip and edgy as I am in heartwarming and sincere. Make me laugh or make me cry or both and I'm sold. Thanks much! Jenny

Man, you're the only person that ever says anything to me anymore. Pushing forty, pfssh, a mere child. Here's the index to the mp3 audio book. If you want a copy of the whole thing, let me know. Everything I do is free. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggcha.html

Williams & Connolly LLP
725 Twelfth Street, NW
Washington, DC 20005

http://www.wc.com

Sanford J. Greenburger Associates
55 FIfth Ave., 15th Flr.
New York, NY 10003

http://www.greenburger.com

Donadio & Olson
121 West 27th St., Ste. 704
New York, NY 10001
(212) 691-8077

http://www.donadio.com

We do not want any unsolicited submissions via e-mail. Thanks, Edward

Kneerim & Williams
90 Canal Street
Boston, MA 02114

475 Park Avenue South, 4th Flr.
New York, New York 10016

4905 Del Ray Ave., Ste. 507
Bethesda, MD 20814

http://www.kwlit.com

Ned Leavitt Agency
70 Wooster St., Ste. 4-F
New York, NY 10012
(212) 334-0999

http://www.nedleavittagency.com

Writers House
21 West 26th Street
New York, NY 10010
(212) 685-2400

3368 Governor Dr., Ste. 224-F
San Diego, CA 92122

http://www.writershouse.com

Sent query letter and 54 pages with SASE. No response after five months.

Dear Albert Zuckerman: Six months ago I sent you a query letter, a synopsis and the first fifty pages of a novel. In the mail yesterday I finally got my SASE back. Yippee! Inside the envelope I provided you there was a form letter rejecting my proposal out of hand and a brochure about your book: WRITING THE BLOCKBUSTER NOVEL. How very niggardly of you to use my stamps and my envelope to advertise your schlock book, not to mention how thoughtless it was to keep my project for six months. At six months a pop, getting my book rejected by every agent in New York would take upwards of three hundred years. You and I both might be kind of old by then and the book may be a tad less topical. You're a well respected agent. Do you have any idea why? I sure don't. Thanks. Gerard Jones

Dear Mr. Jones, We apologize for the belated delay—our office has suffered several clerical mishaps and bad interns in the past months. Best of luck to you though, and I we do hope you find a publisher before 300 years...! Fay Greenfield, Assistant to Albert Zuckerman

Dear Fay: It was a nicely written form letter, I'll give you that, on good bond paper, no less, and my return envelope would otherwise have gone to waste anyway. At least I know you guys didn't steam the stamps off my SASE and go try cashing them in at the post office—which is what I suspect most literary agents do with all the other return envelopes I never got back, not even after six months. That could be a thriving business. Set yourself up as a literary agent, get a bunch of starving writers to send you stamped envelopes, steam off the stamps and go cash them in once a month or so. Thanks again. G.

Hmmm. That's a pretty insulting letter regarding Al Zuckerman that you've posted on your site! Emily Kischell, Assistant to Al Zuckerman

Dear Emily: Really? You think so? I thought it was sort of funny myself. Tastes vary wildly vis-a-vis humor, however. Thanks. G.

Dear Mr. Jones, Ah, at last! My words are immortalized on your website! I can die happy. I would very much appreciate it if you would be so kind as to remove Al Zuckerman's email address from your agent list. Al does not accept emailed queries. Thank you in advance. Regards, Emily Kischell, Assistant to Albert Zuckerman

Dear Ms. Kischell: You are so immortal. Glad I could oblige. Nobody accepts e-mail queries, are you kidding? Please refer to my e-mail address inclusion and exclusion policy at the bottom of this page:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/about.html

Oh, and my letter to Al won me a prize. Ha! Check it out in the "Awards" section of this page:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/wps.html

Thanks again. G.

Dear Mr. Jones, And yet when people see Al's e-mail address guess they decide to send e-mail queries and gigantic files full of e-manuscripts. And I have to e-mail each and every one of them explaining how they need to use the postal system to send their queries, when what I should be doing with that time is continuing to read all the manuscripts and proposals that are already here so that authors such as yourself and Writers House clients do not have to wait five months to get responses. Sound familiar!? Alas, we'll have to suffer some sort of e-mail onslaught no matter what you choose to do in this case. So anyway, thanks for your time. Emily Kischell, Immortal

Dear Immortal: Here's the thing. When I include the things you say about how a good, well-respected, successful agent like Al Zuckerman works, how much he has to do and how it's usually you who has to do it, people will get a better idea of how to most effectively approach him to represent their work—or not approach him as the case may be. If it's a waste of time to send queries by any means, say so. Say what's most effective. Queries through the mail? Cool. People will see that and send queries through the mail. You might just stumble upon an e-mail or two worth passing along, as well. Sorry about the onslaught, but it's certainly not just me that's causing it and it will all sort itself out somehow. As you know, things are done now and will increasingly be done via e-mail and my little directory's gonna come in handy for that. These sorts of relatively civil exchanges go a long ways toward demystifying the process of getting a good agent and getting a good book published. Thanks for your time too. G.

Cheers! To good books being published. Emily

Dear Mr. Jones: I apologize for the long delay in responding to you. Unfortunately, this doesn't sound from the title like my cup of tear, so I wish you the best of luck. Yours, Simon Lipskar

Don't judge a book by its title. This is gonna sell more copies than anything published in the last ten years. You'll be eating your little heart out. G.

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com