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June 26, 2009

Here's the fourth installment from Chapter Nineteen ("La Honda," aka, The Acid Chapter) of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD—easily and by far the best, most important work of literary art made anywhere in the world so far this century.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19mclip4.mp3

Nobody's gonna listen to it, of course. People only listen to the trivial drivel their owners pay propaganda goons to get them to listen to, but so what? I made it. That was what I wanted to do. You can learn more about how the media and entertainment cabal rots your brain, robs you blind and keeps you a stupid slave from cradle to grave by reading Chapters 39-42 of Oprah's Dead Son.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn10.html

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn11.html

Nobody's gonna do that, either. Oh, well. Ignorance is bliss. We don't want to know what morons we are; we prefer to fritter and twitter and facebook our lives away while the rich get rich and the poor get poorer—in the meantime, in between time, ain't we got fun.

Here's Ginny Good (ISBN: 0972635750) in its entirety. You can buy it new for $16.95 (plus shipping) or you can read it online for free—yet another thing nobody's gonna do due to being brainwashed out of his or her silly, sappy, superfluous mind by the all-pervasive, mega-Nazi media and entertainment monopoly.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Here's the index to The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD. It's free, too—everything I do is free. Listen to a chapter or two and, if you want a copy of the whole thing on .mp3 CDs (including shipping), give me an address and I'll send you a copy.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Finally, if you want to see what all else is on my modest, unassuming little website (way more than mere words can begin to say), click this:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/other.html

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Macmillan Book Publishing Group
20 New Wharf Road
London N1 9RR

Macmillan Publishers Limited
Brunel Road, Houndmills
Basingstoke
Hampshire RG21 6XS

(Pan Macmillan, Picador, Palgrave, Sidgwick & Jackson, Papermac)

http://www.macmillan.co.uk

http://www.palgrave.com

Penguin Books Ltd.
80 Strand
London, WC2R 0RL

(Penguin, Penguin Paperbacks, Penguin Press, Hamish Hamilton, Michael Joseph, Viking)

http://www.penguin.co.uk

Sorry, but I don't think this is for me or the Viking UK list.

Dear Juliet: Thanks for taking a quick look and getting back to me. Sorry such a gorgeous, funny, smart, sexy, thoughtful novel; a novel that has something to say, a novel people will keep buying and buying and buying for decades to come, etc. isn't right for you. Oh, well. I suppose I could just write ephemeral fluff like everyone else, but what fun would that be? The tougher the nut the sweeter the meat. Let me know if you change your mind. Here's part of what the Viking UK list is missing out on. It's got some Beatles stuff. Thanks again. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch24m.mp3

Dear Gerard, Many thanks for sending me the synopsis and first chapter of your new novel. Sadly, it doesn't look quite right for the Hamish Hamilton list, but I'd definitely show it to other editors—and possibly agents. I hope that you find the right home for it. All best, Simon

Dear Simon: Thanks for taking a look and getting back to me. I've showed it to upwards of 500 agents and editors, all of whom have been scared off by the fact that the protagonist had a dream during an epileptic seizure which included Oprah Winfrey. This book will truly win every prize for literature there is and will also sell more copies over the next fifty years than Catcher in the Rye and Lord of the Flies combined, but it won't ever get published because no agent or editor is brave enough to read it and understand that for himself. This is not directed at you, per se, by the way, but at the ephemeral, superficial, incestuous, tried and true, cookie-cutter publishing industry in general. Thanks again. G.

Dear Mr. Jones, Thanks for sending me the sample, but not for me, I'm afraid. I hope you have better luck elsewhere. Yours, Tony Lacey

Dear Tony: This is going to be another one of those ones that got away. This book would win every prize for literature there is but it won't ever get published because no agent or editor is brave enough to read it and understand that for himself. Thanks again. G.

I'll fix things. Let me know if you want to see a review copy of GINNY GOOD. The UK rights haven't been sold yet and some Brits who've read it seem to like it okay. Thanks. G.

Orion Publishing Group
Orion House
5 Upper St. Martin's Lane
London WC2H 9EA

(Orion Books, Gollancz, Weidenfeld & Nicolson, Cassell Military, Orion Audio Books)

http://www.orionbooks.co.uk

Update, March, 2006

Dear Gerard, Yes, I'd noticed the change in your website's name. The rest is, I guess, fair comment, but I do slightly object to 'Nazi'. Best wishes, Malcolm Edwards

Dear Malcolm: As I say on the site I was told "Nazi" was a word to which people would object, and they have, but when everything one is allowed to see and hear and read is so thoroughly vetted, censored, spun and otherwise manipulated to maximize its potential to make money (and not lose money) and minimize its content vis-a-vis truth and beauty and art, the propaganda apparatus that achieves that end looks to me like the mechanisms Joseph Goebbels used to bulldoze the German people into thinking it was okay to do some pretty horrific shit. I'm saying what I think and what I see, is all. I bet you wish more people would have done so in 1938 and 1939. I do. I'm not going to be heard, of course...as anyone who objected to Hitler's vision of how things ought to be would not have been heard in Nazi Germany. It's a slightly different kind of Nazism, naturally, but its Nazism nonetheless. I'm going to be finished fiddling with a whole 'nother book about it one of these days. It's rare to come up with more than one book worth writing. GINNY GOOD was worth writing. So is this next one. I'll probably never finish it, however. Oh, well. I pretty much know what it's going to say, anyway. Here's the index to the audio book, if you want a copy let me know. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Hey, Victoria, I've included Orion Audio Books with the rest of Orion here:

http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com/eduk.html

Here's a seven minute clip from a fifteen hour audio book that won't do you any good 'cause I give it away for free:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch32clipm.mp3

Here's the index to the whole thing. If you want a copy of the .mp3 CDs, let me know. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Random House
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road
London SW1V 2SA

(Arrow, Jonathan Cape, Secker & Warburg, Cedar, Ebury, Chatto & Windus, Century, William Heinemann, Hutchinson, Vintage)

http://www.randomhouse.co.uk

Update: December 6, 2008

Random House, UK and Transworld Publishers still have my poor, innocent e-mail address blacklisted. (!) Yippee! I must be doing something right. I'm sure they've burned or blacklisted all the books worth reading or writing that have come their way in the last twenty years, too...to make room for the putrid puke they publish and promote to keep people stupid. Anyone reading a book put out by Random House or Transworld is reading the moral, ethical and artistic equivalent of Nazi propaganda, period. Fifty years from now, these dweebs are finally gonna be identified as the war criminals they are. It's nobody's fault, of course. They're just doing what they get paid to do the same way the boys and girls who worked for Joseph Goebbels did what they were paid to do. Did they think they were doing anything wrong? Heck, no. If any of the editors working for the fascist twits who've blacklisted my e-mail address wants to read a book worth reading or writing, read this...and maybe listen to some of the sample chapters of the audio book, while you're at it:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

It's free. Like me. Thanks. G.

Oh, oh, PS, it's just MY e-mail address that has been blacklisted. I'm sure the morons who run Random House and Transworld would love to hear from all you real writers out there so the links should work for you...I just can't update them 'cause my e-mail address has been blacklisted. G.

Hi Gerard, Could you update my details please? I was at Little, Brown UK but am now Commissioning Editor at Random House UK. This is my email address. Thanks! Vanessa

Hey, Vanessa, all fixed. I'm coming out with a big update pretty soon so anything else you know of that I got wrong, let me know. Thanks. G.

Oops, my e-mail address has been "blacklisted" by the fascist, chicken-hearted, Nazi twats who run Random House UK Ltd., so I can't tell you that I've added your "details" to my little list. Oh, well. I could use a different e-mail address, I suppose, but if people want to wall themselves off from anything and everything worth reading or writing, whose loss is that? Not mine. G.

Transworld Publishers
61-63 Uxbridge Road
London W5 5SA

(Corgi, Black Swan)

http://www.booksattransworld.co.uk

Little, Brown Book Group
Brettenham House
Lancaster Place
London WC2E 7EN

(Abacus, Little, Brown, Atom Books, Time Warner Books, Virago Press, Orbit)

http://www.littlebrown.co.uk

Dear Gerard, Please delete me from your email circulation now - I no longer commission but do administration/scheduling instead. I would therefore be obliged if you removed my email address from the website to avoid my getting submissions from writers. Regards, Barbara (Daniel), Little, Brown Book Group

Dear Barbara: I'll pass along the information that you no longer commission books and will put a (666) by your name to remind me not to send you any more e-mails but I can't take you off my website 'cause you're still a well-respected publishing executive. Here's an audio clip you might like. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch33m.mp3

Simon & Schuster UK, Ltd.
Africa House
64 - 78 Kingsway
London WC2B 6AH

(International Pocket Books, Scribner, Simon & Schuster, Free Press)

http://www.simonsays.com

Bloomsbury Publishing, Plc.
38 Soho Square
London W1D 3HB

http://www.bloomsbury.com

I'll fix things. Now if you could have someone around there buy the British rights to Ginny Good they would be most appreciative. Here's what the editor of The Bookseller said about it in The Guardian. Thanks. G.

Richard Charkin has a blog, upon which he had this to say about one of my innocent little e-mails and this to say about me:

I don't think anyone hates Gerard and certainly no-one that I know of minds his publishing names etc. Actually nonbody gives a damn about him.The question is why does he bother?!

Why he bothers is that books have become "product," merely another means to make nothing but money...not art, not truth, not beauty, nothing worth anything but money. Books themselves don't matter a whit, how much money they generate is all. With the right packaging, enough endorsements, a fair amount of expensive hype and a modicum of proof-reading, any piece of unreadable drivel can make some short-term money. That's the publishing industry's stock in trade. It's the same as the salami industry. There are truly great salamis out there that nobody's ever going to get to eat 'cause you don't see 'em advertised on the telly. The Audio Book of Ginny Good is a greater literary experience than everything Macmillan has published in the last twenty years combined but nobody's ever gonna listen to it 'cause nobody can make any money off it. It's free. That's anathema. G.

Well, I think Gerard is wrong. The publishing industry is full of people who care about books. He wants to believe the opposite simply because his proposals haven't been accepted as widely as he'd have liked. There are always two explanations of failure. One is that you need to try harder or get better. The other is that the world is conspiring against you. The latter is better for the ego. The former is probably the more likely.

I can't seem to get your comment thing to work, but here's what I tried to say: Well, I suppose you could read the book or listen to the audio and decide for yourself which explanation, if either, is true...neither of which you will do 'cause you like things to be as you perceive them to be, not as they are. Prove me wrong. I dare you. Heh. G.

Update, October, 2006

...I wonder when it will dawn on Gerard that it may not be a media conspiracy which is blocking his success but that readers aren't that interested in buying his book.

I've made myself up a new art form...The Occasional Exquisite E-mail Press Release. I'm gonna publish them on my website from time to time and send 'em to sundry people on the list of 15,000 agents, editors and publishers, movie agents, studios and producers, media guys, publicists, bloggers, book award guys and "creative" writing teachers I've come up with over the last four years who constitute the modern-day equivalent of the Reich Ministry of Propaganda and Public Enlightenment. Ha! That whole idea makes me happy. You've reprinted an early version of the first one, and for that I thank you, but here's the salient point to which you might want to pay closer attention. G.

"When you write a great work of timeless literature and get it published the way you want it published, whether it makes money or not is superfluous. What's even more superfluous is the sickeningly synthetic, book-doctored schlock and pretentious claptrap that wins awards and gets itself on "bestseller" lists. Keeping people stupid slaves can't be a very rewarding way to make a living. Can it? Nah. The geniuses who run the media and entertainment industries will understand that one of these days. Or not. G."

Gerard, I thought the purpose of writing was for people to read what is written. 24 copies is nothing really to be proud of. And while best seller lists are definitely not the only or the most important criterion of success being on them is not a sign of failure either.

The purpose of writing is to write something WORTH reading. The silly fluff that people BUY because of the hype it gets isn't worth reading or writing. All it does is make money. Big whoop. With enough hype, a recipe for Yorkshire pudding will sell a billion copies; without any hype great works of literature will go unread. If selling silly fluff is what you want to devote your energy to, knock yourself out. I prefer to devote mine to writing great literature whether it sells or not...read my stuff and see what I mean. I dare you. The proof is in the pudding. Heh. G.

Dear Gerard, Happy New Year to you. I'm afraid I am writing to ask that my name and email address removed from your website again – you removed it last year but now I'm back on it. As I work in Rights I can't really help any of the aspiring authors who send in their manuscripts and proposals. Please could you remove me as soon as possible, thank you. Kate Harvey – Rights Executive.

Dear Kate, The best I can do is include your disclaimer and not send you any more e-mails, myself. My little directory includes all sorts of people who can't really help aspiring authors...if I got rid of all the people who can't help aspiring authors all twenty thousand people on it would be gone. Thanks. G.

Gerard Jones
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

Dear Gerard, I'm disappointed you won't remove my name as it's disheartening to have to tell so many people that I'm of no use to them, especially as they must get the same replies from so many people. Nevermind, you may as well leave the listing as it is. Best, Kate.

Don't be disheartened. Most people don't get any replies from anyone at all. They're used to it...or should be, by now. My stuff's been rejected in one way or another upwards of a half a million times and I'm not disheartened in the least. Virtue is its own reward. Thanks. G.

Granta Books
2/3 Hanover Yard
Noel Road
London N1 8BE

http://www.granta.com

HarperCollins Publisher
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
London W6 8JB

(HarperCollins, Fourth Estate)

http://www.harpercollins.co.uk

http://www.4thestate.co.uk

Faber and Faber Ltd.
3 Queen's Square
London WC1N 3AU

http://www.faber.co.uk

Atlantic Books
Ormond House
26-27 Boswell St
London WC1N 3JZ

(Atlantic Books, Guardian Books, Observer Books)

http://www.groveatlantic.co.uk

Dear Gerard, Please can you remove ALL other contact details as we now have a policy were all enquiries go to the enquiries@groveatlantic.co.uk email address and are then redirected. Thanks. Alice

Dear Alice: I've passed your policy along but personally I like contacting as many real individual editors, publishers and publicity assistants as I can find. Oh, oh, I put up a new chapter of my old audio book just for you.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch21m.mp3

Here's what some Brit blogger had to say about the last two pages:

"It was, I think, pages 223 to 225 which convinced me that Gerard is a master of prose writing. In barely two complete pages, he tells us the following story. Exceptionally foul-mouthed man (and I am tolerant in this regard) gets his girlfriend pregnant; wants her to have an abortion; she refuses; he leaves her; gets himself on the cover of Rolling Stone; then gets killed in a drug deal; his girl friend keeps the baby and ends up working as a dental hygienist in Tallahassee, Florida. By any conceivable standards, those two pages constitute a master class in writing. They reveal character, and they create emotion. You see, if you have the talent and the skill, you don't need 500 pages; you can do it in 2."

Thanks. G.

Thank you for your email – in this instance I think less is more with contacts so we would be very grateful if you could remove all contacts except enquiries@groveatlantic.co.uk. Best wishes, Alice

Not to be dismissive but you telling me what not to include in my exquistie work of timeless art is akin to Salieri's chambermaid telling Mozart what not to include in The Magic Flute. Thanks. G.

Icon Books
The Old Dairy
Brook Road, Thriplow
Cambridge SG8 7RG

Omnibus Business Centre
39-41 North Rd
London N7 9DP

http://www.iconbooks.co.uk

Quercus Publishing
21 Bloomsbury Square
London WC1A 2NS

http://www.quercusbooks.co.uk

Hodder Headline, Plc
338 Euston Road
London NW1 3BH

(Headline, Hodder & Stoughton)

http://www.hodderheadline.co.uk

http://www.hodder.co.uk

Dear Gerard, While your self-belief is admirable and your website clearly a labour of, if not quite love, some strong passion, we brainwashed ostriches aren't too fond of spam. We prefer locusts - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostrich - you will note that while I lack in wisdom, I can put a horse to shame with my speed. Please take me off your list. thanks, Suzie

Hey, Suzie, taking you off my list wasn't an option. I don't think. Was it? You are who you are and do what you do, right? Things like sign up Icelandic crime writers, yeow, how brave, how new, how different. I can, however, as I said, put a little mark (666) by your name which will remind me not to send you any more e-mails. If you would like me to do that, let me know. Oh, and here's a story about being deluded, just for you. Don't tell anyone else about it. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch32m.mp3

I meant e-mail list, Gerard, not the list on your site. I'm all for freedom of expression! Thanks. Good luck with the writing. Suzie

So you want the mark (666) by your name? I don't know, man, I'd think about it for a minute first. When you've got skill, you don't need luck, but thanks anyway. G.

Piatkus Books
5 Windmill Street
London W1T 2JA

http://www.piatkus.co.uk

Dear Gerard, I think my colleagues have said it all. Good luck with your venture. I always admire creativity and hope you find a way to make lots of money out of your site (even if you didn't achieve success in quite the way you had planned). Yours, Judy

PS We have a terrific list of self-help, popular psychology, business and mind, body and spirit titles (as well as our fiction) for your further inspiration. Details on our website.

Dear Judy: Thanks. I don't care if I make any money or not. It's self-help, popular psychology, business, mind, body & spirit (as well as fiction) all rolled into one. Now if I could only do something about nutrition. I appreciate your encouragement. G.

Dear Gerard, Try Patrick Holford's Optimum Nutrition Bible for everything you ever wanted to know about nutrition.....It will answer all your questions and much much more besides. Judy

Ever the marketeer. That's good. No wonder you guys are doing so well. Now if you'd get yourselves some really knockout fiction, like mine:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn.html

you'd really be cooking. Thanks. I used to know a guy named Henry Bieler who sort of invented nutrition. I just thought of that. G.

Update: GINNY GOOD got sold, but there are some sub-rights still available, so go ahead and check out the link anyway. G.

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com