February 15, 2005
Everyone Who's Anyone in Adult Trade Publishing and Tinseltown Too, Fourth Edition (Preliminary)
Okay, people in the book publishing business including but not limited to literary agents, editors, publishers, book review editors, booksellers, critics, "creative writing teachers," book award administrators, literary "bloggers," publicists and the sundry other stupid, money-grubbing twats who singlehandedly decide what people read and don't read and write and don't write these days, I'm pretty much done dicking around with. They all had their chances, thousands and thousands of chances, and ignored every single one of them, fair and square, the ignorant twats. If you ignore good, smart, meaningful stuff and opt instead to go gaga over garbage you can make money selling to the generation of morons you've created by giving them nothing to read that's worth reading or writing, that makes you ignorant, right? An ignoramus? A silly, useless, snotty, snooty, snitty, twitty, giddy, giggly, self-righteous, negligible, ignorant stupid twat? Yes. Someone who wouldn't know a good book if it bit 'em on the ass? Indeed. I know it's not their fault. Of course they're just doing what their owners tell 'em to do...wait, wait, I forgot, in the land of the free and the home of the brave, nobody's a slave, nobody has an owner...ha! But enough about agents, editors, publishers and their moronic ilk (well, except for Linda Richards, the only non-moron in the whole smarmed-up book business), now I gonna try to get me a movie made out of GINNY GOOD so I'm adding a bunch of movie guys to my little list. Here's the e-mail I've sent (and am still in the process of sending) to around 4,000 talent agents, managers, entertainment attorneys, producers, studio bosses, etc.:
Ginny Good, A Mostly True Story
You guys have a lot of talent. So do I. We should get to get together and make a movie out of a book I wrote called GINNY GOOD. Linda Richards, editor of January Magazine, described it as "an excruciating coming of age at a time when the world was falling apart." Here's some other stuff she had to say about the book:
"Jones brings a sort of careless insouciance to Ginny Good. An early hippie devil-may-care ef-em-if-they-can't-take-a-joke attitude that pretends to mask deeper feelings. Pretends, of course, because it's clear that Jones cares deeply about everything that befalls him and Ginny and the others we meet in Ginny Good. And he wants us to know he cares, but he wants us to find our own way to that conclusion. It's this intelligent respect for the intelligence of his reader that makes Ginny Good sing. That, of course, and the simple fact that most of the book is set in a place and era that holds eternal fascination for a large part of the population: the social revolution of the early 1960s."
If you wanna read the whole review, click this:
http://janmag.com/biography/ginnygood.html
If you wanna see where Ginny Good was the editor's only choice as the Best Nonfiction Book published anywhere in the world in 2004 (if she would've called it Fiction, it would have been the Best Fiction Book, too, but, oh, well), click this:
http://www.januarymagazine.com/features/bestof04nonfiction.html
If you wanna read a bunch of other glowing reviews, click this::
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggrev.html
If you wanna read a one-page synopsis, click this:
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html
If you wanna read a press release from the publisher that includes a bio and a sample chapter or two, click this:
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/other1.html
I'm not gonna try to hype the book. You'll either read it and go gaga over it like anyone with any brains does and want to make a movie out of it or you won't. I did the hard part. I wrote the story, made the characters, created the conflicts and the drama and the comedy and the tragedy and came up with dialogue the likes of which you haven't seen on a movie screen in a long, long time...all you gotta do is turn it into a script (which I could probably figure out how to do, myself, if it ever came to that) and make a movie out of it. If it's done right, Ginny Good will be one of those movies that come around once in a lifetime, so think about it for more than a millionth of second before you pass it up. Since he owns the film rights, you can get a review copy from the publisher. His name is Paul Cohen. Send him an e-mail:
bookcohen@aol.com
You can also just go out and buy as many copies as you want at Amazon, but if you really, really, really want to read one of the coolest, most significant, funniest, smartest, most honest, heartbreaking, edifying, illuminating books in all American literature going clear back to whenever whoever came over on the Mayflower landed wherever they landed, let me know and I'll send you a free, signed, first edition by priority mail. Finally, if for some inconceivable reason this project doesn't sound like your cup of tea, please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone you can think of who might feel differently.
I've also got three other books that aren't published yet but could easily be turned into amazingly good movies. If you wanna see a synopsis and the first fifty pages of any of them, click this:
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/other.html
Thanks.
Gerard Jones
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You think it's possible that movie guys are as stupid as the people in the book business? Nah. Nobody's that stupid. Okay, so as soon as I'm done sending my email out to all the movie guys all I gotta do is think up an e-mail that kills lots of birds with one stone, send it around to everyone on my new little list of around 6,000, agents, editors, publishers, movie guys, the whole kit and kaboodle of them, update the thing, "launch" the real Fourth Edition, and send them all another e-mail telling 'em I've "launched" the sucker, which I ought to have done by sometime in the middle of March, 2005 at the latest, or maybe the first of April. Yeah, yeah, April Fool's Day, that's what I'm shooting for.
Keep in mind that with all these new movie guys especially, I'm sure I got all kinds of things wrong but I'll keep fiddling with it and fix things when I find out more about who's who and who's what or when people straighten me out about stuff, which y'all are welcome to do by sending an e-mail to:
Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
Oh, and to save myself some senseless squabbling about who owns the rights to his or her words I'm not gonna stick up what these Tinseltown literary and talent agents or production company and studio executives (or their respective lawyers) say 'cause I fully appreciate that they in fact do own their own words and I doubt I could get permission to use those words from very many of them so I'm just gonna leave out what they say, like this:
***Redacted***
Lots of them stick little legal disclaimers at the ends of their e-mails that say stuff that sounds like if I repeat a single word of what they say to another living soul somebody's gonna come exviscerate all my unborn children. Hey, exviscerate away I'd usually say, but I don't want the aggravation at the moment so I'm just getting rid of what they say...it's generally not all that interesting anyway. I am, however, as usual, gonna stick up what I say since it is, after all, my website and my words are my words and I'm not ashamed of them in the least. I kind of like most of them as a matter of fact...gosh, I sure hope it's still okay in the good old US of A to put your own words on your own website. G.
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