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April 30, 2008

I'm gonna be fiddling with my stupid Oprah book forever. The latest thing I'm calling it is Oprah's Dead Son, but it's still not anywhere near done and I've gotta get it done in order to go back and get it done right. I think I started it in 2002. That might have been a while ago. Here's an e-mail I just got:

Subject: remove me from your spam list You're on your own list and I don't do spam. G. Mr. Jones. I received the e-mail below unsolicited from you this morning. I do not know you nor I have I done business with you. I have requested not to receive any more emails from you. Unsolicited commercial emails are spam. I will forward the next one I receive from either of these addresses along with my last two emails to the New York Attorney General's consumer protection division. According to your public profile at the Columbia Journalism School website, you're working on your first book "Fake News, Real Politics." I have a free website listing agents and publishers which may be of assistance to you. I sent an e-mail to the address you provided on the Columbia site, which in and of itself is a tacit solicitation of e-mail communication. Further, my e-mail was in no way "commercial." I'm not selling anything. I gave you a link to a free book, links to chapters of a free audio book, offered to send you a free copy of the fifteen-hour audio book in its entirety and gave you the url of my free website which may aid you in your search for representation and the publication of your first book. The audio book is a narrative nonfiction account of the history of America from 1943 to 2003 which includes pertinent audio clips from noteworthy individuals who helped shape "real news" during those years, from The Shadow, Father Coughlin, Charles Lindbergh, JFK, MLK, Robert Welch, Harry Truman, etc. to Allen Ginsberg, Leadbelly, Walter Chronkite, Charles Bukowski, William Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, etc. (see the free index I provided you for the others). What that all means is that the book I gave you for free and the audio book I offered to send you for free is "news." Your bio says you're a news guy who, as such, should be interested in news. Whose fault is it that you're not what you say you are? Feel free to include this reply in your complaint to the NY Attorney General and/or whomsoever else you may want to complain to. Thanks. G.

Here's the original e-mail I sent the guy.

Quote:

Here's Ginny Good in its entirety:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Here are some sample chapters from The Audio Book of Ginny Good.

Chapter 7: North Beach, New Year's Eve, 1962
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch07m.mp3

Chapter 13: San Francisco, Tijuana, Mississippi, New York, Summer, 1964
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch13m.mp3

Chapter 19: La Honda, May, 1965
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

Chapter 23: Haight-Ashbury, Fall, 1967, Part 1
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch23m.mp3

Chapter 24: Haight-Ashbury, Fall, 1967, Part 2
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch24m.mp3

Chapter 32: Hillsborough, CA, Summer, 1982
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch32m.mp3

Chapter 35: Ashland, OR, February, 2003
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

Here's the index:
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

If you want a copy of the whole huge fifteen-hour extravaganza on .mp3 CDs for free, give me an address and I'll send you a copy. There's a bunch of other stuff on my little website, too. Click some links and see. Thanks. G.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

Unquote.

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Time Warner
75 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10019
(212) 484-8000

(Warner Bros. Entertainment, New Line Cinema, HBO, Turner Broadcasting)

http://www.timewarner.com

Warner Bros. Entertainment
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-6000

1041 N. Formosa
Hollywood, CA 90046
(213) 850-2500

98 Theobald's Road
London WC1X 8WB

http://www.warnerbros.com

***Redacted***

Hey, Jill, aren't you aware how weird that policy is? Have you ever heard of the Emperor's new clothes? If you had "taken notice" of the contents of my e-mail you would've realized its intent was simply to turn Mr. Tsujihara on to a book that you or he or anyone else around there can go down to the bookstore and buy. If any of you were to do that I have every confidence that you would appreciate how good a book it is and would want to acquire the film rights from the publisher and make a movie out of it. You guys are obviously in desperate need of decent writers and stories worth telling. I'm one of the best writers who's ever lived and Ginny Good is one of the best stories ever published. You can't "steal" it any more than you could steal Catch-22 or Lolita or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or The Godfather. What you CAN do is read the thing and, toward that end, if you or Kevin or anyone else wants a free, signed copy, let me know and I'll send you or him or them one by priority mail. How simple is that? Sheesh. Are you really so scared of the remote possibility that you might lose a nickel or two in an intellectual property lawsuit that you refuse to consider good, new, fresh material? That used to be called cutting off your nose to spite your face. Here's an audio version of the whole fiften hour extravaganza you can listen to for free. Thanks again. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Subject: Your list of movie executives

This was sent to me by Veronika Kwan-Rubinek; unfortunately, it's full of really significant errors, but I don't have time to correct them. Please either research your contents more fully or do not include us in your book. Stacy Ivers, Warner Bros.Pictures

Hey, Stacy, I just did the best I could with the 12,000 people on my little list. I'm aware that there are inaccuracies and would appreciate any corrections you may be able to make. Thanks. G.

As I said, I don't have time to do this. You need to do better research - not even our head of production is correct.

Well, I'll just keep winging it until it corrects itself, I guess. Thanks. G.

Have you considered research?

I did plenty of research; none of the e-mail addresses that are clickable on my little website bounced and the ones that did bounce I either got rid of or signified by an asterisk that they bounced. I also say at the bottom of every page that it's a work in progress and that I'm relying on other people to straighten me out about what I got wrong. Some have. Thanks. G.

Warner Independent Productions
4000 Warner Blvd., Bldg. 76
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-6000

1492 Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd., Bldg. 139, Rm. 118
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-4924

John Wells Productions
4000 Warner Blvd., Bldg. 1
Burbank, California 91522
(818) 954-1687

Castle Rock Entertainment
335 North Maple Drive, Suite 135
Beverly Hills, California 90210
(310) 285-2300

(Reiner/Greisman, Lobell Productions, Face Productions, Simian Films, Spring Creek Productions...)

http://www.castle-rock.warnerbros.com

Reiner/Greisman
335 N. Maple Drive, Suite 135
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
(310) 285-2300

Lobell Productions
1424 N. Crescent Heights Blvd., Ste. 21
Los Angeles, CA 90046
(323) 822-2910

Face Productions
335 N. Maple Dr., Ste. 135
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
(310) 285-2300

Spring Creek Productions
335 N. Maple Dr., Ste 209
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
(310) 270-9000

Jerry Bruckheimer Films
1631 Tenth Street
Santa Monica, CA 90403
(310) 664-6260

http://www.jbfilms.com

Killer Films, Inc.
380 Lafayette Street, Suite 302
New York, NY 10003
(212) 473-3950

http://www.killerfilms.com

Village Roadshow Pictures Entertainment
3400 W. Riverside Dr., Ste. 900
Burbank, CA 91505
(818) 260-6000

http://www.villageroadshowpictures.com

Village Roadshow, Ltd.
206 Bourke St.
Melbourne, Victoria 3001
+61-3-9667-6699

http://villageroadshow.com.au

There are none so blind as those who will not even look let alone see...tee-hee. My poor innocent e-mail address is blacklisted by these Bozos. If I were a fascist moron I'd blacklist the guy who wrote the greatest work of literary art published anywhere in the world so far this century, too. Joseph Goebbels would be proud. G.

***Redacted***

Dear Ms. Larios: Neither I nor you nor Joel nor Steve believes that boilerplate "legal and other considerations" nonsense. Here's a one-page synopsis:

GG Synopsis

Make a copy of it and fax it to yourselves or if you want it faxed to you by my agent, who's also a lawyer, let me know. The easiest thing to do would be to have me send whoever reads books around there a signed copy of the thing, but I know you guys have to make things all tricky to give yourselves something to do besides making good movies out of great books. Thanks again. G.

***Redacted***

Ah, lawyers. What a grand world it would be if they and their silly, short-sighted, senseless, penny-wise pound-foolish "policies" were all transported far beyond the ocean sea. Like to Australia. Ha! No, no, I like them Aussies okay. Here's what one of 'em had to say about my beautiful book called Ginny Good: "This is a great mind at work. Don't be fooled by this author. He is precisely clever. His cleverness can be missed easily as the word by word cadense is rhythmical, a delightful read." Here are two other books that are gonna make great movies:

Astral Weekend

Esmeralda

Lawyers don't make good movies; writers do. Lawyers get in the way. If you wanna steal my books, steal away--I'll even pay the eight bucks it'll cost to go see 'em at the movie show when you've made movies out of them. "No notice was taken of its literary content," pfssh. Lawyers, pfssh. Thanks. G.

***Redacted***

Hey, Joel, if the mountain don't come to Mohammed, Mohammed goes to the mountain, right? Oh, and my offer to send you a free book "remains as described" in my original e-mail. I'll even sign the sucker. You can re-sell it on Amazon; unread, of course. You can call it a collectible and get way more money for it that way. Thanks. G.

***Redacted***

Dear Mr. Goldstein: Consider anything you want to consider. I don't know what kind of gulag you live in but I live in the good old US of A and prefer not to remove my words from my website in accordance with the spirit and letter of a bunch of rights set forth in the first ten amendments to the Constitution; free speech, free press, prohibitions against restraint of trade...those sorts of things. That you don't want to hear about a great book that would make a great movie doesn't prevent me from telling you about it. That I don't want to hear you advertise your less than great movies doesn't stop you from advertising them, right? Thanks. G.

***Redacted***

My e-mails of March 3, 2005 were not "unsolicited submissions" but were simply a notification that VRP is included as a film production company on my website which provides contact information for 6,500 entertainment industry executives. It was also an opportunity for each of the VRP executives to whom it was sent to say whatever he or she wanted to say about himself or herself. You might want to read it again and "let me know if you have anything you want me to add to your entry," including but not limited to whatever boilerplate you've come up with to avoid looking at film projects worth looking at. How does one "solicit" an e-mail? I had information to communicate to VRP. I communicated it. Big whoop. Your e-mail address is your e-mail address. Res ipsa loquitur. If and when I have new information to communicate, I'll communicate it. I've never solicited any form of advertising whatsoever, definitely don't welcome it, etc., and yet I get inundated with advertising all the time. Neither I nor the myriad lawyers I've consulted see a distinction. Nor do I consider my e-mails advertising, per se, but merely useful information which I provided to you and VRP out of the kindness of my heart. Thanks. G.

Gerber Pictures
9465 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 318
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
(310) 385-5880

Miller/Boyett Productions
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-7700

Alcon Entertainment
10390 Santa Monica Blvd., Ste. 250
Los Angeles, CA 90025
(310) 789-3040

http://www.alconent.com

Section Eight
4000 Warner Blvd., Bldg. 15
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-4860

(Maysville Pictures)

***Redacted***

Hey, Bruce, you're a conduit. The "submissions" aren't meant for you, they're meant for your clients. If you want to keep your clients from hearing about a book that would make a good movie, that's your choice. I want someone to make a movie out of my book. Your clients make movies. I'm gonna tell 'em about it. It's your job to pass along vital information. You get to decide what's vital and what's not, sure; but I get to tell you what I think is vital for them to hear about. If the conduit's clogged up, whose fault is that? Not mine. I did my job. In the fullness of time both you and your clients will see that you didn't do yours and the words, "...it will not be accepted, read, considered, copied or forwarded," will come back to haunt you. Fifty years from now they'll be the only thing you're remembered for. Or not. Thanks. Merry Christmas. G.

Silver Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd., Bldg. 90
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-4490

Butchers Run Films
1041 N. Formosa Ave., Santa Monica Bldg. E-200
West Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 850-2703

Please remove my e-mail address from your website and your e-mail out going list. thanks.

I prefer not to. Thanks. G.

Witt-Thomas Films
11901 Santa Monica Blvd Ste.596
West Los Angeles, CA 90025
(310) 472-6004

***Redacted***

Hey, Ellen, I'm sorry to hear that and I'm also sorry that I can't delete your e-mail address. I'm making a list of people who are closed-minded and haven't much imagination...for all posterity to see. Thanks. G.

KINDLY IMMEDIATELY REMOVE THIS EMAIL ADDRESS FROM YOUR DATABASE. Thank You.

Why would I want to do something like that? You guys call yourselves a production company, right? I'm gonna call you one, too. It's the least I can do. Thanks. G.

The Donners' Company
9465 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 430
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
(310) 777-4600

Adam Schroeder Productions
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-5627

Mad Chance
9021 Melrose Avenue, Ste. 202
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(310) 285-2077

http://www.madchance.com

Malpaso Productions
4000 Warner Blvd, Bldg. 81
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-3367

***Redacted***

So solicit it. Sheesh. If you have to get stuff from agents or lawyers, my agent, Laura Strachan, who's also a lawyer, will fax you a one-page synopsis. Send her at e-mail at:

alacrity@ix.netcom.com

It's a book. Anyone can read it. Click this link and read the synopsis yourself:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Then pass this e-mail along to Clint Eastwood or any of your other clients who would have any interest whatsoever in making the best movie of the 21st Century out of the best book of the 21st Centry. Thanks. G.

Weed Road Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd, Bldg. 81, Ste 115
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-3371

Jerry Weintraub Productions
4000 Warner Blvd., Bungalow 1
Burbank, CA, 91522
(818) 954-2500

Yak Yak Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd, Bldg 138
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-3861

David Foster Productions
4401 Wilshire Blvd., 2nd Flr.
Los Angeles, CA 90010
(323) 965-0902

Material
3000 Olympic Blvd., Ste. 2311
Santa Monica, CA 90404
(310) 998-5828

Maple Shade Films
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522

Shoe Money Productions
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522

Joel Schumacher Productions
4000 Warner Blvd., Bldg. 81
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-6100

Dylan Sellers Productions
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-4929

Legendary Pictures
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
(818) 954-6000

The Jonathan Krane Group
8033 Sunset Blvd., Ste. 6750
Los Angeles, CA 90046
(310) 278-0142

The Tannenbaum Company
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522

Schneider/Feldman Entertainment
1041 N. Formosa Ave., Writers Bldg., Ste. 315
West Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 850-2503

Di Novi Pictures
3110 Main St., Ste. 220
Santa Monica, CA 90405
(310) 581-1355

Dreyfuss/James Productions
1041 N. Formosa Ave., Pickford Bldg. Rm. 110
West Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 850-3140

Fortis Films
8581 Santa Monica Blvd., Ste. 1
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(310) 659-4533

Bright, Kauffman, Crane Productions
300 S. Television Place, Bldg. 136, Rm. 217
Burbank, CA 91505
(818) 954-7774

Radiant Productions
914 Montana Ave., 2nd Flr.
Santa Monica, CA 90403
(310) 656-1400

Heyday Films
5 Denmark Street
London WC2H 8LP

45 Rockefeller Plaza, Ste. 2710
New York, NY 10111
(212) 632-3456

New Line Cinema
116 N. Robertson, Ste. 200
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(310) 854-5811

888 7th Avenue
New York, NY 10106
(212) 649-4900

44 Great Marlborough Street
Time Warner House
London W1O 5LT

(Fine Line Features, Picturehouse Films, Anarchists Convention, Benderspink, Sandbox Entertainment, FilmEngine, Amen Ra Films, Chick Flicks, Blue Raven Films...)

http://www.newline.com

*Dear Mr. Jones: Your second email to several New Line Cinema executives regarding your novel "Ginny Good" and your website "Everyone Who's Anyone in Adult Trade Publishing and Tinseltown Too" has been forwarded to me for response. I must reiterate that New Line Cinema has a strict policy prohibiting the acceptance of unsolicited literary, dramatic or other materials for consideration. Submissions of literary, dramatic or other materials are only accepted from franchised literary agencies and motion picture producers with whom New Line regularly conducts business. Accordingly, I must request, once again, that you do not send us any further materials relating to your projects. Teri Fournier, Senior Vice President, Business & Legal Affairs, New Line Cinema

Dear Ms. Fournier: So that's what I should "include in your entry?" Okey-doke. Thanks. G.

***Redacted***

Hey, Sandra, Ginny Good is a book, plain and simple. You can't "steal" it anymore than you could've stolen Tolkien's stuff. It's protected by copyrights up the wazoo. All I did was tell you the name of a good book. What you do with that information is up to you, but if anyone around there reads the thing he or she will realize what a magnificent movie the book could be made into and would want to contact the publisher to see about buying the film rights. I don't know how something can be more simple or innocuous or "legal" or considerate than that. So allow me to reiterate the salient portion of my original e-mail: If you want me to send you or Erik or Mark Ordesky or anyone else around there a free, signed copy of the best book published so far this century, let me know. Thanks. G.

cc: Teri Fournier, Erik Ellner, Mark Ordesky

Picturehouse Films
597 5th Ave. 7th Flr.
New York, NY 10017
(212) 303-1700

(Denver and Delilah Films)

http://www.picturehousefilms.com

Benderspink
6735 Yucca St.
Hollywood, CA 90028
(323) 845-1640

http://www.benderspink.com

Sandbox Entertainment
116 N. Robertson Blvd., Ste. 400
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(310) 967-6451

FilmEngine
6735 Yucca Street
Hollywood , CA 90028
(323) 960-1480

Chick Flicks
116 N. Robertson Blvd., Ste. 400
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(310) 854-5811

***Redacted***

Hey, Sara, I appreciate your having taken a look. I admit it's no "Bad Hair Day," but keep in mind the last sentence of my e-mail:

"Oh, and if for some inconceivable reason this project doesn't sound like your cup of tea, please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone you can think of who might feel differently."

Thanks. G.

Blue Raven Films
4924 Balboa Blvd, Ste. 172
Encino, CA 91316
(818) 785-1886

Fine Line Features
116 N. Robertson Blvd., Ste. 200
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(310) 854-5811

888 Seventh Avenue, 20th Flr.
New York, NY 10016
(212) 649-4800

(Indelible Pictures)

http://www.finelinefeatures.com

Indelible Pictures
219 Rose Avenue
Venice, CA 90291
310-399-5699

12424 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 1150
Los Angeles, CA 90025
(310) 826-1164

Stone Village Entertainment
9200 Sunset Blvd., Ste. 520
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(310) 402-5171

Home Box Office, Inc.
1100 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10036
(212) 512-1000

(HBO Films)

http://www.hbo.com

HBO Films
2049 Century Park East, Ste. 3600
Los Angeles, CA 90067
(310) 201-9200

(Six Feet Productions, Team Todd, PB Management, Grazka Taylor Productions, Stone Village Entertainment)

http://www.hbo.com/films

Team Todd
2900 Olympic Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90404
(310) 255-7265

PB Management
6523 W. Sixth Street
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(323) 653-7284

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com