i'd love to see owmm. thanks for remembering. i look forward to the read.
Look for it sometime next week. Thanks. Gerard Jones
Dear Sally: After reading a synopsis, you said you would "love" to see and that you were "looking forward to reading" the above-referenced novel. I sent it to you. Chris Holder returned it to me, unread, along with an enigmatic note about agents. Can't you read whatever you want to read? I'll tell you what. I'll send it to you again. It's gotten even better in the last month and a half. You have any editor, assistant editor, proof reader or unpaid intern read the thing and if he or she doesn't agree that it's better than any book St. Martin's has ever published, I won't trouble you with anything that's not represented by an agent. How about that? What have you got to lose? Not much. What have you got to gain? A lot. Thanks. Gerard Jones.
Oh, ps, by the way, I have a narrative non-fiction account of the woman who is documented to have been the first hippie in Haight-Ashbury, available through an agent. Thanks again. G.
Mr. Jones, Sally is on vacation, but she asked me to return your manuscript. She gets many queries and in this case, got you confused with someone else. She asked if we had ever seen anything of yours and I explained that you had sent manuscripts in but I always wrote explaining the company policy (all submissions must come through a legitimate literary agent). So good luck to you. Chris Holder, Sally's assistant
Chris, Just for the record, I never sent you a manuscript prior to this and therefore you never wrote to me explaining the company policy. Wouldn't it be cool to find the best, most widely read book St. Martin's ever published, by accident? How about asking Sally to take a look at it when she gets back from vacation? What the heck? Think outside the lines. She'll thank you. You'll be a hero. The thing's going to sell a million copies. You'll be famous. Ha! Thanks again. G.
Mr. Jones, You have submitted to us at least twice before and I've written you our policy on those occasions. And if you never received or kept those letters, you now know what the policy is...agent submissions only. If you have that much faith in your writing, you should be able to get an agent. And you will need an agent to submit to any major publisher. I'm sorry. I know it's frustrating but I do wish you luck. Chris
Dear Chris: I know for a total fact I never sent the nonfiction piece to anyone. I turned it over to the agent I mentioned. What she's done with it I do not know, although I'm sure she'd be happy to send it to you. This manuscript, however, I decided to have some fun with and sent out a few query letters on my own. Sally said she wanted to see it. I have no idea why. I took her at her word and sent it to her. Leslie Gelbman asked to see it too. I also have no idea why, but I sent it to her as well. Some agent named Jody Rein had this to say: "What an original romp, though. I hope you find an agnet who understands this book better than I do, and can help you find an enthusiastic publisher. You're a terrific and imaginative writer. Maybe you ought to go straight to Farrar Strauss or Knopf or Susan Kamil at The Dial Press and let the dense agents of more linear and transparent literature be damned." Serendipity's fun. How cool would it be if you guys just broke down and took a look at the thing and it turned out to be all that I say it is? I'm telling you, this book will sell more copies than any book St. Martin's ever published. Wouldn't that be sort of slick? I still simply do not see what you or Sally has to lose by having someone read the thing. Thanks. G.
Mr. Jones, You are a riot. If you have an agent, have her send to me. If you do not have an agent and you send your manuscript, it will be returned to you with yet another letter stating our company policy. Happy Fourth of July! Chris
Chris, Did I mention Pulitzer Prize? National Book Award? Is that Booker thing open to Americans yet? Okay, if it is, throw Booker Prize in there too. I'll have my agent send you GINNY GOOD. We can do a two book deal. You can be the first publishing house to have the same author win all those prizes for both fiction and nonfiction in the same year. Ha! Happy Fourth of July to you too. G.
Gerry (can I call you Gerry?), If you had an agent this whole time, why did you torture me?
Chris, Totally call me Gerry, sure. Or Ger. Or G. I don't have an agent for THIS book. I have an agent for the other book. I wanted to try selling this book on my own 'cause I like to try to do impossible things. Do you want me to have my agent send you the other book? Sorry about the torture, but I wasn't being duplicitous in any way. They're both extraordinarily good books. One has an agent. The other doesn't. Does that make sense? Thanks. G.
Hi Gerry. Sally would prefer not to be listed in your book. She appreciates it, but we are listed in the Literary Market Partners and that is fine for her and St. Martin's. And if you want your agent to send us your manuscript, that is fine. But only if it comes through an agent, per our submission policy. Remember? Take care. Chris
Hey, Chris: I so remember your submission policy, yes; boy, do I ever. It's branded into my forehead backwards so I can read it in the mirror every morning. Thanks. G.