"And the real rules are?" Oprah laughs.
"Everything you think you think is a lie. What did Nazi Germany and The Holocaust have to do with propaganda? Everything. If it hadn't been for normal, everyday, hardworking bus drivers and plumbers and housewives falling for the holier-than-thou exclusivity and trigger-happy nationalism Joseph Goebbels had them falling for, Hitler couldn't have blown his own nose and The Holocaust never would've happened...and the same cradle to grave conditioning's going on now, today, this minute...only it's way worse 'cause the guys doing it are way better. They have sixty years of new tools, new propaganda devices that make them more effective and more persuasive and more pervasive than poor Hitler's bumbling Nazis ever were. Better ways to keep people stupid slaves get trotted out every day. Hitler's propaganda goons had what? Newspapers? Home movies? Oompah bands? Billboards? Radio? Pep rallies? Parades? How quaint. These latest Nazis have HDTV and CGI and the Internet and iPods and blogs and social networks and smart phones and You Tube and interactive 3-D video games, oh my...and more engaging, more personalized, more mind-numbing stuff gets invented all the time. New pop icons dripping with glitz and glamour and equipped with better delivery systems than Hitler and his ham-handed propaganda ministry ever imagined go around hyping modern-day corporate-Nazi hogwash to the ends of the earth. Keeping people stupid slaves and keeping them from knowing what stupid slaves they are is the foundation of the global economy and the next holocaust. All kinds of other things have changed, too. It's not living space for the Fatherland or anything so plebeian as racial purity these new Nazis give a rat's ass about, it's money, plain and simple, it's getting rich and staying rich at all costs. So what if you have to rot the brains of billions of people? When there's money to be made all best are off. Rot all the brains you want. Buy all the propaganda you need. Keep people going into debt up to their eyeballs to buy the stuff you con them into thinking will make them free and pretty and smart and valuable and unique until you own them fair and square, then keep conning them 'til they willingly give you the fillings in their teeth, that's the ticket. It says so in the fine print...or didn't you read your contract?"
"Like what stuff, for instance?" Oprah asks.
"Like the all the useless crap you and guys like you sell, that's what. Have you ever seen any of the advertising that's made Harpo a billion dollar company?"
"I see a snippet or two, sure. Most of it looks okay to me."
"Pay attention someday. Listen to yourself. Look in a mirror. God gave you thick, frizzy, African hair, hair your mother could make into cornrows, hair that if you left it alone would grow into dreadlocks, but your owners don't let you leave it alone. Remember when you were a kid? I do. You were a confused little no-account teenage girl like a million other confused teenage girls 'til your owners came along, cleaned up your diction, fixed your teeth, straightened your hair, made you their own invention and gave you a job selling success to the rest of us, keeping our hearts and minds blinded by preposterous notions of fame and fortune and luck, feeding us nonstop, thought-executing advertising and touchy-feely poppycock so we won't know what maggots we are, so we won't see ourselves eating the entrails out of the dead carcass of what used to be the land of the free and the home of the brave. There's no freedom or bravery of any kind left anywhere anymore except maybe in a few little nowhere towns nobody ever heard of, no free press, no free speech, no free anything, there's only slaves, slave owners and the propaganda slave owners buy to keep stupid slaves stupid slaves. There's no democracy, there's only demographics. Liberty is a code word for subjugation. The only thing America has to show for itself in the last sixty years is the stupendous amount of money the oligarchy of rich guys has weaseled out of poor people the world over. They use you and guys like you to define what's slick and what's slick is what makes more money for them. You let them use you. You like it. You're proud of yourself. You make money, too. The more money you make the more you think you're worth like the more money stupid slaves make the more they think they're worth. You don't even know you're being used. You fall for the hogwash your owners spoon-feed you and collect your pound of flesh for making them the hundreds of pounds of flesh you make them every year. You're happy. They're happy. You're one of the merry minions of the feudal lords who own and operate this schlock dump of a country. You've been given your own fiefdom. It's remunerative, sure, they all areA-Rod, Tom Cruise, J-Lo, Britney, they all get their piece of the pie. These latest Nazi oligarchs have carved us up into more vertical markets than you can shake a stick at. They buy celebrity icons and sappy ideas from licensed agents and managers, CAA, ICM, William Morris, blah, blah, blah, and use them to see to it that every segment of society keeps going into debt and pays interest on that debt to buy the crap they sellsports freaks, news junkies, political geeks, music groupies, moviegoers, evangelical twits, hip-hop nitwits, whatever, everyone creditworthy enough to borrow any kind of money at all is always going to find someone just like him or just like her to tell 'em what to spend it on. We live in the United Feudal States of Greed, Gluttony and Global Starvation. We pledge allegiance to banks and judge our worth by what we buy with the money we borrow. Every iota of information that makes its way into your wee little pea brain supports the sole notion that creating, preserving and earning interest on wealth is the only thing of any consequence on this earth. Where's it gonna end? What's gonna happen when you've weaseled every nickel there is to weasel out of every ordinary man, woman and child on the planet and have made all the money there is to make? Billions of people are going to go bankrupt and die of disease and starvation and clumsy acts of corporate terrorism so the chosen few can keep getting richer and richer, that's what. It's the only logical outcome. Some ungodly proportion of the human population of the planet is going to have to be exterminated in order for the upper crust to continue to thrive. Make nothing but money with all your might day and night and maybe you'll still be around when they pick up the pieces. So what if you have to get rid of however many billions of people it's gonna end up being? The world isn't going anywhere. There's always gonna be someone somewhere. They'll fall in love and get married and have kids. Life's short; history's long. You can't kill everyone. Hitler and his propaganda goons tried to get rid of international Jewry and it backfired on them. The Holocaust turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to international Jewry."
"How can saying something like that not be anti-Semitic?" Oprah blurts.
"It's just not, that's how." The old guy shakes his head wearily, sadly, slowly. "Despite everything you've heard or read or seen or learned in all the schools that have ever been endowed, math and science and logic and facts aren't anti-Semitic. Hitler was the best thing that ever happened to Jews the same way the extermination of billions of people in the next holocaust is gonna be the best thing that ever happened to mankind in general. The planet can only sustain a finite number of people. It's a short-run, long-run thing. Any single individual human being is more complex and beautiful and charming and miraculous than the whole species put together. It doesn't matter how many people you have to get rid of as long as some survive, the select few, the chosen ones. There'll be a new dawn, a new beginning. Things will be different, better, less cluttered, you'll see. So six billion people die a horrible death, so what? Who knew they were even there in the first place? Rag pickers and beggars and dope addicts and the lazy and the lame and the unlucky and the unruly and those who aren't that cute, who's gonna miss any of them? Who missed any of the sixty million people Mao got rid of to make modern China? Nobody. And wasn't everyone else better off because of it? Of course they were. Take a walk up and down the aisles at a Wal-Mart some day. If it weren't for sixty million dead Chinese opium addicts, there wouldn't be anything on the shelves. I don't like these new wealth-based Nazi notions any better than I would've liked Hitler's Nazi notions but when you don't like something what are you supposed to do? Shut up about it? Let sleeping dogs lie? Go along to get along? Bide your time? Hope? If a third of the new Nazi billionaires are Jews and nothing but Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews do the propaganda for the other two-thirds of the Nazis who own and operate the global gulag, what's wrong with saying so? Sunlight's the best disinfectant. How many Jews are there?"
"Not quite twenty million," Giselle says.
"In the whole world?" The old guy looks surprised.
"Yep...Dennis and I figured it all out once. It's two percent of the population of the United States, one out of fifty, but everywhere else only one out of every four hundred people is Jewish. There are cities with more people in them than there are Jews in the world. There are almost as many illegal aliens in the United States as there are Jews in the world."
"So?" Oprah asks.
"So name me one illegal alien," the old guy says quickly. "Jews wouldn't be anywhere near the big deal they are if it hadn't been for Hitler. The Holocaust got turned into a public relations bonanza during the past sixty years. You've been conditioned to think that killing six million Jews was the worst thing that ever happened in the history of all mankind the same way you're being conditioned to think that making slaves of six billion people is the best thing that ever happened. What do you think will become of the poor darlings when they're not of any use to their owners anymore? What becomes of worn out shoes? Look at it logically. If only one out of every four hundred people in the world is Jewish, how come one out of every three billionaires is a Jew? What odd confluence of events could account for such a statistical glitch?"
"Talent, hard work, ambition, education, smart genes," Oprah says. "Oh, and being God's chosen people has gotta have something to do with it, too."
"Everyone's God's chosen people," Isaac says.
"I know, sweetie. That was a joke."
"Joke or no joke," the old guy goes on. "The notion of anyone being God's chosen people has gotta make God's skin crawl."
"Like you know what God's skin's doing," Oprah says.
"I know that Hitler and Himmler and Goebbels came up with the notion that some mythical bunch of Aryanswhatever the heck that waswere God's real chosen people, then tried to get rid of Jews 'cause they stole the idea off them in the first place. There couldn't be two chosen people. Something had to give. Things didn't work out for The Third Reich and handy-dandy, Jews got to be God's chosen people again. Jews got given the State of Israel and a few million Palestinian slaves because of all the wrong that got done to them by Hitler and the Nazis, the same way Hitler and the Nazis got given Germany and a few million Slavic and Jewish slaves on account of all the wrong that got done to Germans after the First World War. Jews can do no wrong because of all the wrong that got done to them. The State of Israel can get away with murder the same way Nazis got away with murder. Turnabout is fair play. To the victors go the spoils. Might makes right. Because of the Holocaust, Israel doesn't have to abide by international law the same way Hitler didn't have to abide by international law after the Treaty of Versailles. The Israeli Defense Force can attack and occupy any territory it wants to attack and occupy. UN resolutions have no effect on the State of Israel. Israel can kill and maim and kidnap anyone it wants to kill and maim and kidnap. Tens of thousands of Palestinians have been routinely tortured in Israeli jails for decades but let one lonely nineteen-year-old Jewish soldier take a wrong turn in Gaza and all holy hell breaks looseand that's just for starters. Thanks to Hitler and the Holocaust, Israel has the God-given right to have all the nuclear weapons it wants and the means to shoot them anywhere it wants to shoot them any time it wants and doesn't have to be a party to any ridiculous nuclear nonproliferation treaty, like those idiots in Iran. Who's more likely to nuke its neighbors? Iran? A country with no nuclear weapons who's a party in good standing to a global nonproliferation treaty? Or Israel? A country with close to four hundred nuclear warheads, a bunch of which are mounted on cruise missiles in submarines that can be launched in a matter of minutes against any other country in the world, a country with a paranoid-schizophrenic penchant for unprovoked attacks on other sovereign nations, a country that's not only not a party to a nonproliferation treaty but doesn't admit it has any nuclear weapons, period? What kind of big fat lie is that? How stupid do they think we are? Oh, throw in the fact that Israel has huge stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons it doesn't admit having, either, while you're at it. But the answer, in case you're wondering, the answer, strange as it may seem, the answer is: Iran! Can you believe it? I can't. How can Iran, with no nuclear weapons, possibly be more likely to nuke its neighbors than Israel, with enough nuclear weapons to incinerate half the planet and the single-minded obsession that nothing in the world is more vital than the survival and security of the State of Israel? I'll tell you how, because Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly are in absolute and total control of every tidbit of information you're allowed to know, that's how. Jews are a hundred times more likely to be billionaires than anyone else 'cause everyone else in the world is terrified of Jews. The last thing you ever want to do is piss off a Jew. Why? Whoa, let me count the ways. First, Jews are in charge of propaganda for the multinational conglomerates that have all the money in the world, second, the State of Israel has more nuclear weapons than China, India, Pakistan and the UK put together and third, the United States will protect and defend Israel at all costs against all enemies forever because no politician can get elected in America without the support of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly. If you piss off a Jew nobody will ever hear a word you have to sayyou'll be blackballed, blacklisted, despised, rejected, demonized, ignored, intimidatedand if you piss of Israel you'll get nuked. It's a stacked deck. All you ever hear about is Jewswatch TV, go to the movies, listen to NPR or read a newspaper or a magazine if you don't believe me. Who runs baseball and football and basketball? Who creates Western culture? Who spreads it all over the world? Who runs Wall Street? Who owns Hollywood? Who's in charge of governments and courts and sports and medicine and unions and universities? Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews, that's who. And if you take normal, everyday nice Jews out of the equationall the kind, thoughtful, humane, cautious Jews who live by the same Nazi rules as anyone elsethe handful of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews who make the Nazi rules have utter dominion over the hearts and minds of almost everyone almost everywhere and Israel has enough nuclear weapons to turn Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq and the rest of the Middle East into a parking lot in ten minutes flator China or Russia or the United States or any other country that might try to keep Israel from doing anything Israel bloody-well wants to do."
"Israel's not gonna turn the United States into a parking lot," Oprah says.
"No? Why not? After all Israel's been through since Rome took over Jerusalem two thousand years ago, after the death camps and the struggles of the Haganah and the sweat and blood that made deserts bloom, you think they're gonna just give up? Ever? What if the United States or the UN or anyone else tries to make the Middle East a nuclear-free-zone, like everybody and his brother wants it to be? Who's gonna get Israel to give up its nukes? Nobody. Israel's got submarines armed with nuclear warheads on cruise missiles, for Christ's sake. They'll bomb the United States or the UN or Russia or China or anyone else who might not see things exactly the way Israel sees things. A handful of Holocaust survivors and their offspring, with the world's financial institutions and the all-pervasive media and entertainment monopoly on their side, are holding the human race hostage. People are raw material, period. Wealth is extracted from the vast majority and accumulated by the minuscule minority thanks to Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews who run the media and entertainment monopoly. Which should we be more worried about, Israeli cruise missiles armed with nuclear warheads being launched against any or all other countries in the world or Iran maybe enriching enough uranium to blow some Ayatollah's nose someday? The morons in media and entertainment will tell you it's the Ayatollah's nose we have to worry about. How absurd is that? You tell me. Those are the questions you can ask 'til the cows come home and not only will you never get an answer but nobody will ever even get to hear the question. Hitler and The Holocaust created a monster that's gonna give birth to a monster a thousand times worse than Hitler and the Holocaust ever were."
"Okay," Isaac says, "So the media and entertainment monopoly is run by Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews and they see to it that the rich get richer and that Israel gets protected and defended at all costs because The Holocaust was a bitch, but Jews are still mostly just employed by big companies. That makes sense."
"Sense!" Oprah's eyes bug out like Stepin Fetchit's. "Anti-Semitic hate speech does not make sense. It's offensive and cruel and bordering on criminal."
"Pfssh," the old guy says. "Anti-Semitism is a crock." He seems to have changed some, too, but Giselle can't figure out quite how, either. Everyone seems to be getting older. Maybe it has something to do with drinking that darn tea. "Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews run all the big media and entertainment companies, not to mention a fair number of financial institutions. That's a fact. Read some annual reports. See for yourself. Facts are facts. Israel's nuclear arsenal has been around since 1968. Every little community of ten thousand people in the State of Israel has its own personal nuclear weapon. There are sixty-five million people in Iran and the whole country doesn't have any nuclear weapons at all, not one. Israel has unilaterally bombed other countries. Iran hasn't. Those are facts. One out of every four hundred people in the world is Jewish and one out of every three billionaires is a Jew. True or false? True. Jews don't have oil or gas or gold mines, right? So how did such a tiny minority living on a plot of worthless desert the size of New Jersey get so much power, so much authority, so much sway? By sticking together, that's how. By using The Holocaust and a shared sense of two thousand years of anti-Semitism to harness the power that comes from being an oppressed minority from time immemorial and using that power to buddy up with the Jews in New York and Hollywood and DC who control a substantial portion of US capital markets and all media, entertainment and politics, that's how. When you've got the exclusive contract to do all the propaganda for nearly every multinational corporation on the planet, you're gonna get a little influence out of the deal, you're gonna make sure that only what you have to say is ever allowed to be heard, you're gonna make it impossible for anyone to have access to anything that differs with what you get paid to tell people, right? There wasn't a lot of dissent in Nazi Germany, was there? The only difference between Nazi propaganda and the propaganda spewed by the current media and entertainment monopoly is that they've brainwashed us to believe that Hitler was crazy and that they're sanethat's how you know how much more insane they are than Hitler ever was."
"Nothing you've said your whole life isn't insane if you ask me," Oprah says.
"Nothing you've heard your whole life isn't insane. Hitler was a hundred times more popular than you or any other celebrity is today and no politician even comes close. Look at film from the Olympics, the looks on the faces of kids, nobody in Germany didn't think he wasn't the best thing that ever happened to them."
"A fair number of Jews weren't all that crazy about the guy."
"That's true...and there are people who aren't all that crazy about the capitalist cruelty and corporate greed that's going on now, either. The world got turned into a big, fenced-in sheep ranch when nobody was looking. The fence is unassailable. Nothing worth knowing ever gets in and none of the sheep ever even wants to get out. Big, multinational Nazi conglomerates own the land and the sheep, of coursethey own everythingbut they pay Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly to manage the joint, to keep the fence in good repair and shepherd the sheep, to fatten them up and keep them content and shear them and slaughter the stupid things, then sell the wool and the mutton to the next bunch of sheep at a tidy profit. The cycle goes on and on, generation after generation. The minute a baby comes bleating out of its mother's womb it becomes a means to make money. The little tyke has to be sustainedfed, clothed, sheltered, educated, civilized, the whole nine yards, and its parents willingly give up their lives, their fortunes, their sacred honor and anything else they can beg, borrow or steal to ensure the well-being of the kid. They sell themselves into slavery so their kids can grow up and sell themselves into slavery and so on and so on. It's like a big sausage factory. Hearts and minds and souls and freedom and love go in one end and money comes out the other...and Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the propaganda cabal have absolute authority and complete control of every aspect of the whole enterprise. Someone has to run the place. Who better than the propaganda mooks that turned them into such stupid sheep in the first place? If you keep 'em stupid enough, sheep will shear themselves. The guys who own Nazi conglomerates get that. Without overseers, there couldn't be slaves. Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in media and entertainment enjoy their work. They show up early and stay late and feel good about themselves. It's fun keeping sheep happy. The stupid things look up to you. They depend on you for everything and they're scared shitless of your whips and chains and cattle prods. There are other perks, too. You make a decent living and the work isn't really all that hard. Sheep are pretty simple-minded by nature, and they get even more simple-minded when you keep them fenced-in their whole lives and make sure they go deeper and deeper in debt every minute of every day to buy the crap their owners need them to buy. 'Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go, I owe my soul to the company store.'"
"So Jews keep people stupid to make corporations rich? Far out," Oprah says.
"Hey, you're catching on!"
"So we should do what? Reinstate race laws? Make it illegal to be Jewish? Go paint a big yellow Star of David on Viacom's front door? Smash all the windows in the Conde Nast Building?" Oprah seems to be conducting a small orchestra with an imaginary paint brush and a few bricks. "Let's mercilessly resist the poisoner of all nations, international Jewry! Is that a direct quote from Hitler's last will and testament, or what? Do you have any idea how laughable this all is?"
"What's laughable is how many simple, straightforward, verifiable facts with which nobody in his or her right mind can possibly disagree get construed as anti-Semitic. You've been conditioned your whole life to believe that any statement of simple arithmetic that smacks of anti-Semitism is either false or can't be uttered in public. That's what a police state does. A police state makes you think right is wrong. There's nothing worse you can be than anti-Semitic but when facts are anti-Semitic, what's a person to do? Thinking facts are anti-Semitic is a tool to keep you from knowing what the heck the facts really are, what the truth really is, what the rules really are so the rules can be whatever the police state wants them to be. It's a marketing ploy, part of a whole set of convenient notions designed to cater to the Judeo-Christian wing of the corporate-Nazi oligarchy. As Israel and the propaganda monopoly goes, so goes the good old US of A. The land of the free has been ceded to a handful of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in media and entertainment who gear everything that gets into anyone's brain toward two overriding objectives, making money for corporate Nazis and protecting and defending the State of Israel to the last breath of life on earthwhatever it takes, however many trillions of dollars, however much innocent blood, there's nothing more important than making money and keeping Israel safe. The Muslim faction has other ideas, of course. There wasn't much Israel and the United States liked better than Iran and Iraq killing and maiming each other to the tune of a million or so people during the Iran-Iraq war. The more Muslims that kill each other, the fewer Muslims we're going to have to kill in order for Israel to be secure and live in peace. As long there are any self-respecting Muslims left in the Middle East, Israel's never gonna be secure. Nobody in Israel even wants to live in peace. What would there be to kvetch about? It's hard to play the hapless victim when you're pound-for-pound the most powerful nation on the planet. We've hitched our star to a tribe of crazy people. Listen to the news some night. Do you have any idea how many people are trying to help Israel tear down The Dome of the Rock and rebuild The Temple of Solomon so Jesus can come back in a blaze of evangelical glory, so Israel and the United States can get their hands on all that oil and turn the Arabian Peninsula into a shopping mall? Two billion, that's how manythe whole Judeo-Christian faction of the Nazi oligarchy. We don't want peace and security, we want production and prosperity. Who can have both? Nobody."
"What about the China faction? The India faction?" Abraham asks.
"They're biding their time, buying T-bills, building roads, making fiber-optic Christmas trees, letting the drama play itself out," the old guy says. "Conflict makes money for all the factions. The global Nazi oligarchy's gonna come out smelling like a rose no matter who wins or loses in the Middle East or anywhere else. Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly know how to perpetuate conflict, how to turn it into sizzle, how to sell it, how to capitalize on it. What progress has peace in the Middle East made in sixty years? None. Israel doesn't want an end to hostilities on any terms but its own and its terms are that as long as there's a single Islamic martyr willing to kill himself or herself in order to hurt a single Jew there's not gonna be an end to hostilities. Hostilities make money. There's always gonna be a quibble, a nuance, another nutty little Netanyahu nit to pick. Who's gonna solve that? The bottom line is that Israeli Jews and Arab Muslims don't hit it off, period, and it serves the purposes of the media and entertainment monopoly to see to it that they never do. I suppose that's anti-Semitic, too."
"Nothing you've said all day isn't anti-Semitic," Oprah says.
"Cool. I must be on the right track. You've been brainwashed to believe there's nothing worse in the world than anti-Semitism. If you see or hear something that looks or sounds as if it may be vaguely critical of Israel or Jews in general or some random Jew in particular, you close your eyes, hold your hands over your ears and squawk like a chicken. Anyone perceived as anti-Semitic gets ignored, cast out, dismissed, called crazy. It's a closed, self-fulfilling, self-aggrandizing, solipsistic system, out of which not the slightest sliver of truth can ever hope to escapethe exact same way Nazi Germany was a closed, self-fulfilling, self-aggrandizing system."
"And you want to open it up? See to it somehow that uppity, money grubbing Jews get taken down a peg or two?"
"Nope. I don't care what uppity, money grubbing Jews do, but I wouldn't mind it if you had the slightest clue that what I'm saying might just be a tiny bit true. It's a lot to ask, I know. The truth is anti-Semitic. It should be avoided at all costs. Try saying something someone at the ADL or the B'nai Brith or the nutcakes at AIPAC might construe as anti-Semitic on your show someday. I dare you. You'll be off the air by the time they come back from the next commercial."
"What did Jews ever do to you?" Oprah frowns.
"Normal, nice, everyday Jews who eat bagels, sing Hava Nagila and laugh at each other's jokes? Nothing. I like nice Jews, but the sniveling, sanctimonious Nazi Jew thugs who run the media and entertainment monopoly pissed me off."
"For not paying attention to your stupid hippie book?"
"Yep, and for being smug, smarmy, thoughtless Nazi goons who rot a billion brains a day for the sake of making nothing but more and more money. It's not just my stupid hippie book, it's any book worth reading or writing, it's anything worth knowing, anything that's not giddy, giggly, pop culture puke or foolish, fatuous, frivolous, formulaie drivel. Books aren't even books anymore, they're book deals. Any pile of preposterous crap that gets a decent advance is obviously a book worth buying, and only books worth buying are worth reading or writing. Hype is everything and hype begins and ends with the deal. If Simon & Schuster paid a million bucks for the rights to The Wichita Falls Yellow Pages, The Wichita Falls Yellow Pages would be a great book. It ain't literature 'til Sumner Redstone says it's literature. Oy gevalt. The human mind has been turned into worthless, inelegant, money grubbing mush by the chicken Nazi Jew thugs who own and operate all media and all entertainment. The only things you can know are whatever's in line with this latest incarnation of Nazi propaganda, i.e., if it doesn't make money you can't know it. That's the sole parameter of modern-day Nazi propaganda. Anything that doesn't make money isn't worth knowing. You can look it up in The Modern-Day Nazi Propaganda Manual. It's put out by the Nazi Jews and guys who kiss up to Nazi Jews who run every aspect of the media and entertainment cabal from The New York Times to MTVRolling Stone, Comedy Central, Conde Nast, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, CNN, Sony, Walt Disney, Time-Warner, The Weinstein Company, MGM, Miramax, DreamWorks, Imagine, publicists, agents, managers, entertainment lawyers, CAA, ICM, William Morris, you name it, they all traffic exclusively in modern-day Nazi propaganda and worthless, money grubbing, mind-numbing schmaltz. If you don't conform to the sole parameter of modern-day Nazi propaganda, nothing you do or say will ever see the light of day, period. It's as simple as that. Anything you've ever heard of has to be sniveling, sanctimonious, worthless, money grubbing Nazi propaganda. That's the definition. If you've heard of it, it's Nazi propaganda. Only things you've never heard of stand any kind of chance at all of being worth knowing."
"So you keep saying, but so what? The only thing you've really established with all your ranting and raving is that you're an absolute nonentity."
"Nonentity or not, when someone pisses me off the least I can do is try to piss 'em off back."
"In your own mind, maybe." Oprah rolls her eyes.
"My own mind's what matters. If I'd lived in Nazi Germany, Hitler would've pissed me off. I would've tried to piss him off back. You would've seen me up in the stands at the Olympics, flipping him off. I may have ended up in Dachau but I'd way rather have been in Dachau than goose-stepping around with a swastika on my arm, swallowing Nazi schmaltz all day every day. Where I'm living now is in Nazi America, and it's guys like Si Newhouse and Sumner Redstone and Michael Bloomberg and David Geffen and Stephen Spielberg and Arthur Sulzberger and Jeff Berg and their lawyers and publicists and the army of politicians, college professors, talk show hosts and think tank dweebs they own and operate who piss me off."
"That includes me."
"Absolutely, but I can't blame you for it. You're as brainwashed as anyone else. Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in media and entertainment have the whole world gagging on worthless, money grubbing corporate-Nazi schmaltz and drowning in mindless, thoughtless, criminally insane corporate-Nazi double talk. That pisses me off and I'd dearly love to come up with a way to piss them off back someday."
"Fat chance," Oprah says.
"Hey, if you don't at least try to piss off the people who piss you off you might as well check yourself into Auschwitzthat's where you're living anyway."
"According to Dennis, that was what Nazi Germany, World War Two and the whole Holocaust was all about in the first place," Giselle says.
"What?" Abraham asks.
"Jews pissing off Hitler. Him trying to piss 'em off back. Dennis had it all worked out going clear back to when some bunch of Jewish administrators didn't let Hitler into art school and ending up with Geli Raubal killing herself after she got knocked up by a Jewish teacher somewhere. Linz, I think." She frowns.
"There was more to it than that."
"Oh, way more, yeah, Dennis had dates, times, places, subplots, genealogies and conflicting theories all mapped out like a big spreadsheet in his head. He was obsessed, I told you. He got all psychoanalytical about it, but the gist was that some guys who happened to be Jewish pissed off Hitler a time or two and he turned being personally pissed off at a few random Jews into the political gibberish he came up with in Mein Kampf. Pop culture picked up on it. Anti-Semitism was already pretty trendy at the time and there were other things going on, but if the love of his life hadn't been diddling some serendipitous Jew, Nazi Germany and The Holocaust never would've happened. Well, you know, if you go by what Dennis says."
"Dennis is an idiot," Abraham says.
"Like your father's not an idiot?" Oprah asks.
"Oh, he's an idiot, too. He admits it. He's proud of it. He fancies himself the fool on the hill."
"Do you want to know clearly and precisely in simple English why you only do what Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews tell you to do?" The old guy wags a finger lazily in Oprah's direction.
"Not particularly, no," she says.
The old guy shakes his head slowly, seems to give up, sighs and says, "It's just cyclical, I suppose. Nations rise and fall. Nazis come and go. The glory that was the USA is of another day. People get what they deserve. Pendulums swing, 'riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay.' Fortune smiles. The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round."
"Ow," Isaac says. Everyone's attention turns to him. He's sitting cross-legged on the floor with his left foot in his lap, trying to take off one of his shoes. His feet seem to have grown. Abraham scoots over next to him. The Velcro has popped open but Isaac's foot stays stuck in the shoe.
"Let's have Diane take a look at you," Abraham says.
"What's wrong?" Giselle asks.
"He's getting too big for his britches." Abraham takes their son by the hand. Isaac's having a hard time walking. "Come out to the kitchen with us."
"Sure." Giselle starts to get up, but can't move.
"What's the matter?" Abraham asks. "Are you coming or do you want to stay here and talk about Dennis?"
"I'm trying. My legs don't work," she says.
"Fine. Stay. Talk about drippy Dennis all you want."
"Hang on a second, I can't move."
Abraham sweeps Isaac up into his arms, swings one of the doors leading into the kitchen wide open, flips down the doorstop with his foot and the two of them disappear, leaving the living room suddenly filled with the warmth of home cooking and a glow of hospitality and flat-out organic affection that stops Giselle in the middle of wondering why she can't move, wondering what's wrong with Isaac, wondering whether Abraham's really jealous of Dennis or not and how silly that would be if he is. The warm, moist, mouthwatering smells of baking and broiling and basting coming from the kitchen are like a drug, some soporific that instantly calms her mind. There's a song, too, an old song, a song she doesn't recognize at first, a song Mame used to sing to her, maybe. It sounds like Al Jolson singing on a scratchy record playerbut the voice is a woman's voice. Diane's. Why does Abraham want Diane to take a look at Isaac? What the hell can she do that Giselle can't? What is she, the mother of all mothers? She didn't do all that well with her own damn son. Oh, well. Abraham knows what he's doing. He always has. And the song she's singing is so sweet, so gentle, so loving:
"Climb upon my knee, Sonny Boy,
Though you're only three, Sonny Boy,
You've no way of knowing,
There's no way of showing,
What you mean to me, Sonny Boy."